Stella turned 15 months last October 12th. It's easier to remember, and to say that she's 1, but I understand that at this age, each month is a big milestone for children.

I thought I'd make a milestone time capsule for Stella, by documenting some of the words she can say on a regular basis. She seems to understand what these words mean, as she says them back to us in within the context, or uses some of them to communicate what she wants. I'll try to update this if I realize there are more words that she actually knows.

cheese /chees!/ - as my husband says, "To my daughter, everything good is cheese. Somehow, I resonate with that."
more /moh/ - I have a heard time weaning her from bottles of warm formula made by our Baby Brezza, still up to a couple of times in the middle of the night. How can you resist a cute little person, quietly walking up to your bedside, shaking her empty milk bottle at you, saying "moh"?
bird /behr/ - one of the first words she spoke, thanks to my Mom taking her out in the backyard and showing her the birds.
moon /muh/ - how we try and trick her to say good night to the moon, and fall right asleep! Doesn't usually work because the moon hasn't been showing up until after 9pm these nights.
cap /kap/ - from a silly book titled "Caps for Sale!"
milk /meehmeeh/ - I used to sing her the "milky-milk" song. This is the new short-cut to communicate the need for, well, milk
spi(der) /spah/ - she better not cry "spah" when I'm not around and she's with my husband. He's terrified of these critters! And she seems to spot them pretty quickly!
sit /sht/ - 
bubble /ba-boh/ - somehow, we come home with three bottles of play bubbles from her birthday party last July. Three. Bottomless. Bottles.
Noble /boble/ - our beloved 6-year old Doberman Pinscher. He is a very good dog to her, and she loves him. She's been saying his name upon waking, and also upon arriving home from daycare.
mango /mangho/ - she loves these cut up in squares. Her favorite were the blueberries, but seems to now also be mangoes, apples, and watermelon. Really almost anything!
apple /appoh/ - hopefully this keeps the doctor away!
two /tooh/ - she can kind of count, from two, straight to...
six /siz/ - siz!
pin /pin/ - I don't think this is a word we've taught her directly. One day, she pointed to Nick's pin on his shirt, and said, "pin." 
flower /fowehr/ - again, thanks to my Mom for taking her outdoors and calling out what they see
owl /ow/ - a frequent presence in her baby board books. I think she likes when we say, "hooo, hooo"
rabbit /wabbit/ - another animal she remembers from board books
shark /shahr!/ - that's right! Another one we all hope she doesn't cry out in real life.
crab /crah/ - her favorite bathtime toy. I usually sing, "Pinch, pinch, pinch, pinch, pinch-pinch-pinch! Pinch! Pinch! Pinch! Pinch! Pinch-pinch-pinch!"
fish /fsh/ - another bathtime toy. And food we eat.
octopus /oc/ - I can't blame her, it's a difficult word to pronounce. Not to mention this bathtime toy of hers only has (7) and not (8) tentacles.
come /come/ - she made clear that she knew what this word meant. Last night, as I was trying to put her to bed, she ran out of her room. At the end of the hallway, she stood staring at me, while I was at her door. I said, "come", and she extends her arms, with her fingers, motions towards her, and said, "come, come." Oh, and with that glint in her eyes!
no /no!/ - of course, one of the first words she's learned. 
sky /skah/ - my mom calls our skylight the "sky window." I think this is how she learned this word.
hi /hi!/ - she can be very cute with people, when she says "hi!"
bye /bhay!/ - and also when she says "bye!" Nowadays, when my husband leaves the house, she says "bye!"
go /go!/ - last week, Nick said, "Ok, I'm gonna go now." She responds, "go!"
giraffe /jhi/ - her favorite animal, it seems. She was apparently fixated at the giraffes in the zoo. I would love to get her the standing one!
monkey /mohni/ - also learned from the book, "Caps for Sale." There was a bit of monkey business there, and she seemed to enjoy their mischievousness.
opo /opo/ - Filipino way of saying "yes" to those older than you are. My Mom taught her this too.
pig /her own snorting sound/ - she likes to kiss her piggy banks "good night". And she does the snort very, very well. 
tita /tita/ - she knows four Titas ("aunts"): Katrina, Coleen, Gabby, and Jill. My loves as well!

Sure, perhaps this is a little bit of me boasting. What parent wouldn't be elated with a child that is really beginning to talk the same words? But really, at the end of the day, I just love how much of an amusement Stella is to our household. I know she's my child so I have to love her, but, damn I love that child!

I slept to a piece of extremely sad news last night. And I will do so again tonight.

One of our couple friends was pregnant with their first child together. Was is the operative word. My husband tearfully told me last night of how they lost their son at the 35th week of pregnancy. I was shocked. I cried. I cried some more today, and I cry as I am writing this.

How is that possible? Our friend, the guy in particular, had wanted a baby for so long. They would definitely be capable parents. They already are, to two beautiful girls. They were good people. Why do terrible things happen to good people?

I think this is a question that has gotten kicked down the road of over a million lifetimes. We are free to have choices, but then we are also subject to circumstances. Beyond our control. Beyond our understanding. A friend once told me of how difficult of a journey they had trying to conceive. They finally had a daughter, but that was after three miscarriages and one ectopic pregnancy. He was on the conservative side of the fence for that reason. He muses at the imbalance of unwanted pregnancies that end in abortion, in the face of people who want to have children so badly.

I feel that way right now. My second, and current pregnancy is almost at 22 weeks. This was an unplanned pregnancy, and regardless of the outcome, I am glad that my husband and I chose to keep the baby. Approaching the 10th week, we had a big decision to make, believe it or not. To keep or not to keep. We tried to be logical: "but we're not ready to have another one," "I wasn't exactly in the best physical health and shape," and "how are we going to afford this?"

My realization came in a challenging question to myself: "Is this what life is all about? What we are not prepared to do? What we cannot afford to do?" Then and there, I knew the right decision was to keep the pregnancy.

Now my only hope in light of this event is that my pregnancy continues to remain otherwise healthy. I have so much to be thankful for. I feel so much guilt as well for even having to pause and not have an unequivocal answer to start, about whether to keep this baby or not. 

To my future baby Maximilian, please forgive me for doubting that I could care for you. I am beyond grateful that my womb was blessed enough to carry your big sister Stella, and now you. Your Dada and I cannot wait to meet you. For as long as God will let us borrow both of you, you shall have my heart entirely.